Why am I acting like such awimp?"I then remembered that I'd been injected with a ton of female hormones.And I realized that that was the reason I'd cried. I told myself, "Noneof this is my fault. Don't let it play with my head. I need to staystrong or else they'll win. I still have a man's brain. Nothing in theworld can change that. And I'll use it to figure a way out of this jam.And once I do I'll strike back at my tormentors and make them sufferlike they've made me suffer." I felt better.But I fully realized that for now I was trapped in this condition.There was nothing I could do at the moment to change it. I didn't evenknow where the hell I was. I was on a ship but where was the ship? So Iresolved to play along with the game and wait for an opening. Then I'descape and set things right.With renewed determination I stood up and practiced walking for about15 minutes. And I finally mastered the art of walking in high-heels. Idiscovered that the key was to take small, deliberate steps. " But at leastthey were pretty small, and because of my surgeries I had beenpermanently excused from Phys. Ed. so no one was going to see them. Andsince they weren't that big, as long as I kept a shirt on no one wasgoing to notice them anyway. During a routine post-surgery checkup Iasked the doctor about the changes and he said that was a common sideeffect of the drugs I was taking. So I asked him when I could stop takingthe drugs, and he told me that I had at least another nine months of thedrug therapy, and I could only stop then if my PSA levels were normal -whatever the fuck a "PSA" was. So I was, like, "I can't do much about myboy boobs, so I'll just ignore them", which is what I did.I was a little concerned because I hadn't been getting a lot of exerciseafter my surgeries and I just kind of felt like, well, like I was out ofshape. I didn't seem to have as much energy as I had had a year ago, andI seemed to get winded easier. So I talked Mom into getting me atreadmill for.
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